Coming Back Again

 I have not written anything in over a year. I've closed off most of myself in truth. 

In many ways, I've been grieving. It has felt as though I've lost another child. My son, my middle child, has moved out and has not talked to me in about 10 months. My other son is glad he's gone, that it's time that he grew up and moved out. The son that has not left has told me to make no contact, to change the locks, to get security measures on the house.

William left this house for another where he is someone else's problem? gift? guest? family member?

It's nice to have this house to myself, I admit that. But to have this person that I went to bat for year after year, defended over and over to the detriment of my other children - to have him completely shut me out and reject me has been pretty fucking brutal.

He was full of blame and anger towards me. The house was a constant reminder of his guilt and the loss of his sister. He got to walk away and make a fresh start.